


Himbos, Mimbos, Hunks, and Twunks

by ABigChaoticSad



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Innuendo, M/M, Sex Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28169589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ABigChaoticSad/pseuds/ABigChaoticSad
Summary: I was like, depressed but I wanted to write so have some crack.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Miya Atsumu, Kageyama Tobio/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 118





	Himbos, Mimbos, Hunks, and Twunks

“Do ya think I need a green card for ma dick?”

Sakusa stopped, staring at the wonder that is Atsumu. He seemed so calculated and sneaky on the court, that Sakusa forgot how stupid he could be sometimes.

“I don’t think so,” Kageyama thought aloud, serious because the poor boy didn’t know what was a joke and what wasn’t, “it’s attached to your body, so it’s not its own person.”

“But it has a min’ of its own sometime.”

“Atsumu-San, your dick can think?” Hinata asked loudly, excited by the mere concept it seemed.

“Yup Shoyou-Kun,” Atsumu was smirking, a sexy look if you hadn’t known about the dumbassery behind it, “and righ’ now, it’s thinking of Tobio-Kun.”

“Slut,” Sakusa didn’t mean to say it, but wasn’t regretful.

“Hey! Don’ be mean to me Omi-Kun!”

“Fine, nympho.”

“What’s a nympho?” Kageyama either ignored the sexual advances, or didn’t notice them at all. Sakusa was willing to bet on the latter.

“It’s a nicer word for slut.”

Kageyama thought about it for a moment, tilting his head and all, before he looked back at Sakusa and bowed his head, “thank you.”

“Why Kageyama?” Hinata questioned, “Why not me? I’m cooler!”

“Sorry Shoyou-Kun, I’m inta hunks not twunks.”

“I thought I was a twink?”

“No, we put it to a vote remember?” Kageyama reminded.

Atsumu nodded, “if you were less buff,  _ then _ you’d fall inta twink territory.”

“You say hunk and twunk, but I think you mean himbo and mimbo.”

“Mimbo?” Atsumu asked.

“Male version of bimbo, but not a fully buff jock like a himbo.”

“Aw,” Hinata said, head falling before he looked at Sakusa, “wait, do I wanna be a twunk? Or a twink?”

“A twunk would be better at volleyball.” Kageyama cut in.

Sakusa looked at him incredulously, “How do you know what that is?”

“Atsumu-San and Osamu-San invite me out a lot. I don’t talk much but I listen in on the conversations most of the time.”

“Huh.” That’s all Sakusa could say. Maybe he’d throw a few more balls towards Atsumu’s face, by accident of course.

“You never answered my question,” Atsumu piped up.

“I have two questions before I answer.”

“Shoot.”

“Why ask me?”

“Kita-San wouldn’ answer me, an’ you’re smart.”

“Alright then two, what brought this on?”

“Well,” Atsumu crossed his arms, hand on his chin as he looked up at the ceiling, thinking, “I was in the airport th’ other day, and a man was told he ‘ad ta pay for an extra seat. I as’d why, an’ the nice lady said tha’ he’d be taking up extra room on the plane.”

“Was he bringing a bag on?”

“Nope,” Atsumu popped the P, “he was jus’ fat is all.”

“And that translated into you needing another green card?”

“Well, if I got warmed up, it’d be as lon’ as at least haf of those seats in th’ plane.”

“Woah, really?” Hinata asked. Atsumu nodded, “can you show me then?”

“Already told ya Shoyou-Kun, not my type. Tobio-Kun on the other han’.”

“That’s it, I’m calling Suga and Daichi.”

Atsumu threw himself across the room to grab at Sakusa’s arm, scrambling up when he almost completely ate it in front of the germaphobe. “Please, I’m beggin’ ya not to.”

“Why?”

“They almost cut ma dick off last time.”

“What did you do?”

“Ma usual, flirtin’ with Tobio-Kun, and they caught me- and they’re  _ terrifyin’ _ .”

Sakusa thought for a moment. “What stopped them?”

“They did it on their own, keep me in check whenever I’m aroun’ tho.”

“Hm,” Sakusa thought. He stared into Atsumu’s eyes, who looked legitimately terrified. To be fair, that momma bear act from Suga wasn’t really an act when it came to these two first years in particular. And Daichi himself always promised pain anyways.

Sakusa looked at Kageyama, who went back to making sure his nails were manicured perfectly. Sakusa wouldn’t wish a fate at Suga’s and Daichi’s hands upon his worst enemy, but Hinata would likely go to watch it go down. 

So he could hang out with Tobio by himself.

Sakusa looked back down at Atsumu, “I’ll tell them to bring Oikawa-San along too.”

Atsumu gasped loudly, obnoxiously, “Traitor!”

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to keep the 700 words so have the discord link here:  
> https://discord.gg/8EwF6DDrmC


End file.
